Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
