I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
