im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize