he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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