listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
