Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
