I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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