So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
