My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
