Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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