dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
