8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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