I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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