My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
