I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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