oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize