You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
