last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
