listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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