i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
