You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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