They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize