you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
