I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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