dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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