just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize