so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
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I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
last night I used snow as a chaser
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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