Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
