Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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