And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
