He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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