just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
