ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
