Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
