I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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