i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
