It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
