my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
