So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
