I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We talked him into tasing himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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