you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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