This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
