Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
