wat bout pragnant strippers??
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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