GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We are two peas in an std pod
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
