I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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