As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.