Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.

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  (803): I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for. http://tfl.nu/ljvy
  Replies (9) Good night (3772) Bad night (1183)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?

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  (319): Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's? http://tfl.nu/rb01
  Replies (18) Good night (977) Bad night (5199)
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  (619): View more from California

  Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.

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  (619): Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor. http://tfl.nu/2isj
  Replies (9) Good night (3080) Bad night (1064)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.

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  (623): and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed. http://tfl.nu/5lux
  Replies (4) Good night (724) Bad night (2714)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n

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  (330): I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n http://tfl.nu/g66p
  Replies (1) Good night (859) Bad night (1100)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.

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  (330): We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar. http://tfl.nu/vjyg
  Replies (6) Good night (2234) Bad night (846)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.

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  (306): The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious. http://tfl.nu/pkyz
  Replies (32) Good night (1987) Bad night (638)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!

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  (443): You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously! http://tfl.nu/q8vz
  Replies (9) Good night (1780) Bad night (746)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon

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  (480): Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon http://tfl.nu/8tqm
  Replies (3) Good night (750) Bad night (645)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.

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  (801): She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime. http://tfl.nu/hokk
  Replies (1) Good night (960) Bad night (384)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...

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  (828): just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever... http://tfl.nu/nfkk
  Replies (5) Good night (863) Bad night (640)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.

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  (334): I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system. http://tfl.nu/d0ap
  Replies (1) Good night (662) Bad night (350)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?

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  (262): Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore? http://tfl.nu/hk51
  Replies (2) Good night (481) Bad night (387)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws

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  (519): If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws http://tfl.nu/udrk
  Replies (1) Good night (501) Bad night (300)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.

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  (904): Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard. http://tfl.nu/afya
  Replies (4) Good night (414) Bad night (533)

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