Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
organizing the empties. That sober.
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Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
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I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.