We won't sleep together?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
