JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize