So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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