And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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