dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
