No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
