i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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