What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
