summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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