I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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