Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
