Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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