My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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