apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
