He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
