I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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