Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
