I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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