Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sober January is a disaster.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
