Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
