So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
