wrigley field is MILF paradise
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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