You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
