whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
