There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
