So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
