Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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