Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
