Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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