p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
