I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
