The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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