get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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